Teeth

When we began the adoption process, the adoption agency did what it could to prepare us. We were required to read books on adoption behavior, things that are “normal,” or at least not unusual, in children who are adopted. The list is long and mostly unpleasant: lack of attachment, bed wetting, tantrums, hoarding, lack of boundaries, sleep disorders… the list goes on. We also took some classes on becoming a multiracial family, and because we were adopting older children, we also were given some specific advice on how to help their transition.

Like most parenting advice, the reality rarely matches up with the theory. But the education, coupled with our own experience and the fact that our kids are pretty much AMAZING, must have done some good, because three years later, Lily and Lewi seem to have adjusted well. Which doesn’t mean that some issues won’t emerge later, since that is also common with adopted kids. But for the moment, we feel blessed.

The agency also mentioned some medical issues we might expect, and within 48 hours of landing in Detroit we were in the pediatrician’s office. The kids were checked for AIDS (again) and for parasites, and were negative for both. They did, however, have nasty ringworm—Lily still has scarring on her hand from a particularly aggressive patch. They needed all of their immunizations, since in developing nations the vaccination schedule and the quality of inoculations can be a little uneven. None of this was unexpected or difficult to deal with, and in general the pediatrician seemed happy with their overall health. We felt blessed.

And then I took the kids to their first dental appointment.

The kids had mouths full of rotten teeth. It’s not clear how their baby teeth got in this condition in just a few short years, but it’s likely a combination of bad hygiene and bad nutrition. I also suspect that the kids drank a lot of soda in their early years, especially since water quality in Ethiopia is poor, which could account for a lot of the damage.

Lewi, then a child of three, had five teeth that were so damaged that they needed to be rebuilt. Lily’s teeth were a little better, but not much. We couldn’t leave the teeth alone, since the rot could ruin the adult teeth, and we couldn’t pull them, because it would mess up the spacing for future teeth. (Besides, the kids needed teeth to eat. That seems pretty obvious, but I was surprised by the number of people who forget this important function.)

As the staff explained all that had to happen and how many thousands of dollars would cost, I managed to remain calm, but I’m sure I was getting paler by the minute. As I was paying for the day’s visit and making arrangements to come back, the woman patted my hand and said, “It’s not really that bad. It’s going to be okay.”

She was right, of course. The dental office helped us space out the work over a couple of years so that we could maximize the amount insurance would pay. Now the kids have begun to lose some of those baby teeth and their new ones are growing in strong. There might be more dental issues coming, but for now both of them have beautiful smiles, and we feel blessed.

In North America, we have dozens of types of toothpaste, floss, and dental rinses, and proper and consistent dental maintenance goes a long way toward preventing future problems. . We have whiteners and orthodontics and dentists who can solve all sorts of pains in the mouth. For those of us with access to good dental care and insurance to offset the cost, it’s easy to forget that, for most of the world, good teeth are a luxury. We are blessed.

So remember to floss. And remember to smile. If you’ve got ‘em, flaunt ‘em!

Democracy

Okay, so there was an election….

And some candidates and ballot issues won, and some lost. Which upsets some people, as it has since the dawn of democracy.

When it comes to elections, I have lived through what I consider good years and bad years, and most years it’s a mixed bag. This is the nature of the voting process. As a people, we have opposing ideas and differing values, and as a people we get to decide which of these ideas and values the majority prefers.

And then, together, we live with those choices, whether we voted for them it or not. Those are the rules of democracy.

Over time, we have made some choices that have proven to be excellent, and others that have not stood the test of time. Every elected leader has proven to be flawed; they are human, and most of their mistakes can be attributed to their humanity rather than malicious intentions. And every elected official has done some things right. (No, really. I looked it up.)

Recently, it dawned on me that there is another amazing thing about a democracy: no matter how you voted, your representatives still work for you. Voting for an individual does not make that individual beholden to you in a special way, and not voting for an individual does not absolve that representative of responsibility for you.

So talk to them. It’s your right to make your voice heard, and it’s their responsibility to listen. Voting is only one way of communicating, and there is no reason the conversation should end when the polls close, no matter who you voted for. So write to them. Tell them what you heard that you like. Or present an alternate point of view. Let them know what matters most to you. And listen. Find out what’s going on in the world, and do it through a number of different outlets. None of us can afford to listen to only those with whom we agree. In these challenging times, we need everyone’s best thinking, and the best representatives—and citizens—understand that.

I am embarrassed to say that, in personal conversations, I have not always been kind in my description of certain politicians. I hope that I have outgrown that. There is no reason to be mean and snarky. Personal shots have no place in our political discourse. Those of us old enough to vote are old enough to avoid words like stupid and idiot when describing elected officials, especially in public.

We are blessed to live in a country where we can speak our minds and vote our consciences. Now that the voting it done, our work together must begin. Only together we can create our optimum future. 

Grateful

Several friends have begun doing daily Facebook postings of something they are thankful for each day of the month of November.  I love the idea. In an attempt to be both organized and comprehensive, I began to make a list, but then the writer in me turned into something of an essay. So here’s my “daily” list, all in one shot. Most—but not all—of the numbers having a meaning, a system that helped me to be mindful, and truly grateful, for all that I have been given.   

1. Halloween. It’s number 1 not because it is the most important, but because it is singularly delightful. Part fantasy fulfillment—for a moment kids can be whoever they want to be—part sugar rush, this is a great holiday for kids and for the adults who love them. No one harps on “getting back to the true meaning of Halloween,” and probably few families come to blows over where they should spend Halloween or go into debt trying to fund Halloween. No wonder it is popular.

2.  I have two sisters with whom I share most of my history and a lot of DNA. Over the years we’ve managed to stay close in spite of differences and distances. In addition, I have one step-sister, one step-sister-in-law, and five sisters-in-law, and there have been dozens of women who have been sisters to me over the years; women who have held my hand and my confidences, who have given me council and support, who have loved me and corrected me when I needed it.

3. I’ve lived in three different countries, and traveled to dozens of others. I’m grateful to have sampled such diversity and learned so much about myself and others through these experiences.

4. Bill and I have shared four homes, and before we married I lived in the same house virtually all my life. I am grateful that I have always been sheltered, and that home was generally a happy place to be, full of laughter and genuine affection, and never abuse.

5. My five amazing kids. Quirky, brilliant, difficult, loving, outgoing, introspective, demanding, generous…they run the gamut, individually and collectively. And while the members of this little troupe are always challenging, they make my life worth living.

6. I love food, and am grateful that at virtually any moment I could have anything I crave. Unlike much of the world—unlike my parents and two of my children—I’ve never known real hunger. I am humbled—and thankful.

7. Chocolate deserves its own category of gratitude. Although maybe it could share the spot with ice cream. They are both pretty high up on my personal food pyramid.

8. Friends. Shopping buddies and drinking buddies, prayer partners and work partners, fellow high school nerds and band geeks, people I’ve known for decades and people I’ve known briefly: I’ve been blessed with friends who have been there when I’ve needed them. Turned sideways, 8 mean infinity. While my number of friends might not be infinite, the blessings from these relationships surely have been.

9. My nine in-laws: five sisters and four brothers. They are good people, and I love them dearly.  

10. My brother was born on October 10. He’s a good and honorable man, and even though he is younger, I have learned a lot from him. I also give thanks for my step-brother, for whom I’ve developed a deep respect for the way he has loved and cared for my dad.

11. My dad was born on April 11. He’s an amazing man, and a great dad. I’ve been blessed by him in countless ways over the years, and he continues to find ways to surprise me with his grace and generosity. Many men have influenced me over the years, and I am grateful for them, but my dad was my first and greatest influence.

  

12. Thank you to Bugs Bunny, “Fashion Police,” the Zits comic, many of my Facebook friends, and everything else that makes me laugh. Humor is a great gift.

13. Just over 13 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am grateful that it was found early, I am grateful for the doctors who treated me, I’m grateful for all the family and friends who supported me through treatment, and I am grateful for each day of life that I have had since then.

14. I’ve held 14 “real” jobs in my lifetime (not counting babysitting, freelancing, or jobs that remained the same but were given new titles). I am grateful for each of them. Each had elements that I liked and appreciated, and in each position I learned a lot. And each paycheck put food on the table, a roof over our heads, and shoes on my feet. Which leads me to number 15…

15. Shoes. Nuff said.

16. I’ve had about 16 cats, not counting all of the strays that have just passed through, and while the constant presence of their fur is a total pain, I have enjoyed their companionship, their antics, their personalities, and their affection. Being loved by a cat is a privilege.

17. Thank you to everyone who has stood up for a principle. Rosa Parks, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther, Martin Luther King, every politician who has taken a stand, and every person who has stepped in to stop an injustice, no matter how large or small. It takes courage to take on a cause, and whether I agree or not with your cause, your courage inspires me to be mindful and proactive in making the world a better place.

18.  When I was 18, I voted for the first time. I continue to be grateful for the privilege.

19. I’m grateful for my 19 years of education: nursery school, kindergarten, grammar school, high school, and five years of college. Not everyone has access to such a remarkable gift, and I appreciate everything that I was taught.

20. Wheels! I’ve owned five cars (so that’s 20 wheels, not counting the spares), and each has served me well, getting me safely where I wanted or needed to go.

21. I am grateful for all of my senses. I love art and music, the smell of fresh-cut grass, the taste of a really good burger, and the weight of a sleeping child in my arms. How blessed I am to be able to appreciate all of these things.  

22. I was 22 when my mother died of cancer, and November 22 is the anniversary of her funeral. Some days I still miss her, but I am grateful for the 22 years that we had together. She was a remarkable woman, and overcame a lot in her rather brief lifetime. After my mother died, my father married Mickie, who also had a great influence on my life. Dad and Mickie had been together for 22 years when Mickie passed away. I’m also grateful for all the other women—teachers, friends, coworkers, my mother-in-law, even the occasional stranger—who has been a mother to me. I have been blessed to know so many strong and beautiful women.

23. While technology often perplexes me (ask my kids about my relationship with my cell phone), I am grateful for microwaves, television, computers, the Internet, mp3 players, and everything else that makes life easier and helps to keep us connected.

24. My extended family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins have all had an influence on me. I am especially fond of being an aunt, and I am grateful for the way my nieces and nephews indulge me. They are all awesome kids, and I’m very proud to be a part of their lives.

25. Water. A hot shower, a cold drink on a hot day, the rhythm of the ocean’s waves: water in all of its forms is an amazing gift.

26. There are 26 letters in the English alphabet. Thank you to all of the brilliant writers who have spun those letters into fabulous works of art. From the writer of the Psalms to Elizabeth Gilbert, from Tomie De Paola to Alex Hailey to Anne Lamott, and to all the other incredible writers who have inspired me and made me think, thank you.  

27. I’ve been a member of my local congregation for almost 27 years. This church has supported me in hard times and given me opportunities to serve and to learn. I’m grateful for its people, its ministry, and its witness.

28. Bill and I have been married for 28 years. He’s been my friend and supporter, my biggest cheerleader, and a wonderful father to our children. I’ve been blessed.

29. Slowly, slowly, I am learning to be thankful for the person I am. I have gifts and weaknesses, and I am learning to trust that I have been given this collection for a reason, and am learning to capitalize on what is strong to compensate for what is weak.

30. All good gifts around us are sent from heaven above, so thank the Lord—I  thank the Lord—for all his love.