Closing Time

By Kelsey VanEyl-Godin

Today, my church is closing. I haven’t been a dedicated member in years, so this should be easy. Despite not being an enthusiastic church-goer, this is still tough. Church was a place of memories. It was socialization. So many of my friends growing up were from church. We bonded over camping trips and Sunday School, over pizza Sundays and Degage. Though I was not a consistent member, I know my church would have done anything for me. I know the people there love and support me no matter what.

Church-going has been difficult for years. Starting in high school, when I got my first job, Sunday mornings felt like my only time to relax. God and church were not a priority. Once I went to school, I avoided church altogether. Despite going to a Christian college, I never once attended chapel or “The Gathering” (Sunday evening service). I can count the number of times I’ve been in the Chapel on one hand (Not including my half-semester class that took place in the basement). I did try to attend a church for a while my senior year, but even that fell to the wayside during my 20-credit semesters.

One of the reasons church going has been tough is because I struggle to believe in God. Though I have never felt particularly close to God, I appreciate what they represent to people. No matter your religion, God is a person you can turn to when you are faced with a crisis, and God will do their best to help you. Whether you enjoy praying, attending church, reading the bible, going to “Jesus camp,” or any combination of those, God is important to many people.

I have also struggled with feeling accepted in the Christian community. I am a VERY liberal person, and sometimes I feel like there is no room for me in this pew; there isn’t enough bread and wine for me during communion. While I know that not all Christians are super conservative, I have this nagging feeling that I don’t belong.

Church and God are not exclusive; you can believe in God and not go to church. You can go to church and not believe in God. There is no right or wrong way to do religion. When I think of church, I think of the times spent during youth group, eating pizza and playing “Dr. Dew pong.” I think of trying to convince our Sunday School teachers to take us out to eat instead of having class. I think of the camping trips our cluster took, and how fun it was to all hang out and play games and take walks and talk to each other about everything. I think of baptisms and communions, of old hymns and new ones, of all the people who have come and gone over the years. I love my church, and the little community it provided for me over the years, so separate from the rest of my life. Saying good-bye is never easy. I will miss this building, and all the people inside. Thank you. You may be closing, but you will always be my church.